I don’t know where the obsession with holding women to unnecessary (see also: bullshit) standards began but for some reason the idea of a “lady” and what she should represent is casually used as a metric system. A scale on which women are judged and deemed unworthy for wearing skimpy clothes or exercising their right to sexual agency. Good enough for sex, but certainly not good enough to take home to your momma
who probably wanted to be in an Uncle Luke video and took a few trips to Freaknik.
These “standards” are so prevalent that they’ve seeped into the minds of other women who anxiously await the chance to profess to men how they’re “different” from the typical Jezebels who prefer not to cook or stay in every Friday. The pick me’s. The Elle Sotos of the world who, instead of embracing these women, jump at the opportunity to remind you how much like them they aren’t. I remember hearing Jay-Z’s “Bitches & Sisters” and thinking that women could only fall into two categories. The precious sister who gets respect, and the bitch who simply gets what she deserves. Oh, and we should be sure to note that what the “bitch” deserves is solely determined by the men she interacts with. Now I love Hov as much as any other scammer from Brooklyn, but how does a flawed, drug-dealing rapper get to tell us what makes one a bitch or sister? Furthermore, if Jay can do it maybe Rif can too.
Day Days and Davids
For the sake of originality I’ll avoid the word “ashy” completely, but I want to bring some attention to a class of men that I lovingly refer to as the “Day Days.” The men who believe a woman should waste away her youth and years of perky breasts for the sake of potential. The men who are bosses of their mommas couch and wouldn’t know a yearly check-up if it smacked them in the face. While they usually come in this basic form like that Zubat you keep catching in your living room, make no mistake, the Day Days exist in every socioeconomic class. Some men are Day Days because of their mentality. Yes, he is in school working towards an Interdisciplinary Studies degree that may or may not be conferred in 8 years, but please do not think this makes him exempt from Day Day status. Day Days may have a car, home, and a cute job, but they are still poor in spirit. A Day Day will get you in a way that not even Joanne could scam.
Contrary to popular belief, I love men and the Davids of the world are why. The Davids are open to exchanging thoughts and articulating in a way free from the “homeboy logic” riddled with sexism & misogyny. The Davids don’t look to you as a means of completion, they look to you as a being who they’d be honored to compliment. The Davids understand that respect for women extends far beyond the woman they came from or one they creep up in. The Davids are considerate and endearing. The Davids aren’t the perfect guy, but they also aren’t spending valuable time cooking up ways to ruin your day/month/life/year. The Davids aren’t “nice guys” for the sake of control, they aren’t the ones who yell “well f you then” because you politely decline their advances on the street and they also come in various shapes and forms. The Davids understand that masculinity and sensitivity aren’t mutually exclusive. Though not every David is a baller, they’re dope enough to make the ride worth it.
If the above examples weren’t clear enough, I’m more than happy to provide you with a list of others.
Day Day: “wyd”
David: “How’s your day going?”
Yal are gonna call me petty for this, but very few things annoy me more than a series of “wyd” doing texts. I’m not an English major and I don’t always get it right, but DAMN. You couldn’t even add the question mark?! “Wyd” texts are usually followed up by a “oh ok” or some other 2-3 word text that was not worth typing or sending. Day Day, please. Do me a favor and skip reaching out completely if you have nothing of substance to say.
Day Day: “We should chill/When you tryna chill/ some reference to Netflix and Chill”
David: “When are you free?/What’s your schedule like for the week?/When can we grab dinner?”
In my experience I’ve learned that men who fail to use question marks usually fail at actually wanting something of substance. Okay, that was kinda rude but you get my point. ALL Day Day wants to do is chill. No actual plans, no thought, no consideration of your interests. David on the other hand remembers that you like Thai and wants to try a new spot. He also heard about a new exhibit and wonders if you want to come with. Meanwhile, two weeks into texting Day Day his idea of a date is laying in YOUR bed, in his street clothes, watching Paid In Full on YOUR Netflix account………….
Point out the lie.
Day Day: “I’m just going with the flow/I’m just having fun”
David: “What do I have to lose? OR I’m not interested in anything more”
A Day Day loves the idea of being fake elusive. His words are always empty and vague enough so that you can never send him receipts, especially not when his true colors become apparent. A Day Day can’t even fathom the thought of being upfront about his intentions and why should he? Plenty of Pick Me’s ready and willing to kiss his ass while he leads yal all down the boulevard of broken dreams. A David on the other hand, is secure enough in himself to be honest about what it is he does and doesn’t want. A David isn’t willing to risk his sanity for the sake of consistent sex or someone to text when his friends are all with their girlfriends. A David isn’t gonna play games with you because he doesn’t have to.
I say all of that to say, quit letting Day Day stress you out (and bring your car with the tank on empty or try to use your monthly MetroCard) and get you a David.