Is it Worth It? Let Me Work It: On Celibacy and the Inconsistencies of Casual Sex

 

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I knew it was bad when I stayed up til 5am. For a man I didn’t really like and 25 minutes I didn’t really need. I stayed up because at 2am another 3 hours didn’t seem like a huge deal. When 5am hit I knew that I was a fool, but it didn’t quite settle in until the texts slowed up. Wait, what the fuck is going on? I’ll give you the CliffsNotes: he didn’t show up. The how, the why, the sincerity of the apology–NONE of that matters. I’ll probably forget those things one day but what I won’t forget is looking down at my legs thinking about how I used a lot of good body butter for nothing.

I could’ve went to bed ashy.

 When seamless (which is never but, I digress), casual sex can be exhilarating, and fun, and all of the other things associated with getting the best parts of someone and sending them on their merry way before they have enough time to eat your leftovers (this is not a pun, btw). At its core, casual sex is a great alternative for those who don’t really have the time (or prospects) to build a relationship, but also don’t want to feel the shame of clicking out of porn once your fap sesh is done every other day.

Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about…you do.

Allow me to make it painstakingly clear that I do not shun the idea of casual sex. I do, however, come up short every time I attempt to do a cost-benefit analysis before offering anyone admission into the pearly gates. 

Let me explain.

For starters, I have never tied sex or the idea of being sexual to one’s lack of respect or sanctity. So, for me, celibacy simply came from being weary of the ways of the bussit baby. I’ll be the first to say that in the winter I don’t even notice that my knees are ashy until I get a “you up?” text and if we’re all friends here, can we be honest about the fact that prep work often lasts longer than the act itself? Can we touch and agree on this? No? Okay. Next point.

Abstinence is also a better option because I am a hypochondriac slash germaphobe slash crazy person who will employ the 30 shower tactic of Mr. West even after a partner has shown a clean bill of health. Why? Well, because I don’t know who you been kissing.  I don’t even know if you carry hand sanitizer. These are things that matter. These are things that would dance around my head even if I used 5 condoms. I didn’t choose the anxious life, and I wish it didn’t choose me. Okay? Next point.

I have NEVER had a situation just be what I intended. Before my 5 year relationship I swore that I’d be single. Before going out for drinks with the bozo who blocked me a few weeks ago I thought “wow, maybe we can hit a few museums and talk a bit about politics.” This isn’t exclusive to my dating life, though. God has a funny way of looking at my plans and saying, “LOL. Girl, you THOUGHT” so I can almost depend on things going the complete opposite of what I imagined. Again, this life chose me.

I can skip the occasional disappointment, drama, fear of unwanted pregnancies and “you up” texts all together by keeping the shop closed. Maybe there is some unicorn situation that I have not yet experienced, but for now, choosing celibacy simply works better.

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Sorry boys. 

What option works best for you? Let me know in the comment box down belowwww.

-Rif