Kendrick was right, loving u is complicated.
I hated you.
I’ve had to be strong when you weren’t, Get up and be normal when you when couldn’t, Choose life when you didn’t.
I watched you exert so much energy to things, places, and people who would have never reciprocated and didn’t need to because you failed to make it a requirement.
I didn’t think you lived up to the hype.
I, in fact, I thought you were weak.
Forgiveness… Forgiveness looks like your smile in candid pictures, you hate your teeth so you’d never in a million years consent to a picture filled with them.
It looks like you getting dressed again, after months of hiding behind the clothes that weren’t the most flattering. It’s the famous vixen curls you do just to sit around the house because you simply never know what may come up.
It’s sharing a story that scares the fuck out of you because now people know you’re not perfect.
It’s learning to love yourself again after you broke her, It’s allowing her to experience love again because she deserves it.
It looks like your mother, the loudest cheerleader in every stand. at every turn. at every misstep.
It’s talking to your father & choosing to hear his side of things, It’s realizing that you actually like him & you two might be the same person.
It’s writing again after being called bitter & redundant, It’s proving them wrong, It’s proving me wrong.
It’s the way I watched you accept hard truths & turn them into laughs for those around you.
It’s choosing happiness this week, even though you didn’t intend to make it to this day. It’s you fighting off the feelings of guilt that usually find home in your head in the days leading up to 11/20.
It’s me looking like a crazy person for having written this letter. It’s me not caring because you needed to hear it.
I forgive you, Sharifa, and I hope you forgive me too.