i wonder if you’re as aware of your selfishness as i have to be of mine.
if you knew the amount of times my tongue was bruised by its own volatility because all that mattered was shielding you.
from an onslaught of unsolicited emotional dumping. from the uncertainty buried within you to move forward. from me.
i starve of you for the sake of being a “good” person. i allow you peace at the cost of self. i want what’s best for you, in spite of me.
i wish you understood the sacrifice of maturation. the words unspoken. do you know where they go? they tap dance along the perimeters of my brain acting as checkpoints for my consciousness. they show up in traces of my being. they force me to exercise greater caution. they won’t leave me alone and you don’t know because i don’t tell you.
you’ve always given me more credit than deserved for things of this nature when truth is, i find myself mangled by your disbelief of me and i pay the price for your sanity everyday.